Praise In Children

Like all of us, children also need motivation. Adults also “go to the road of”o for praise to "encourage" or "motivate" children. But before we can praise, there are certain questions we need to ask.

Does the child need praise?

How should I praise a child in and which situation?

Can I encounter negative results as well as positive results of praise?

Research emphasizes that praise should be done appropriately, consistently, and in moderation. Excessive praise sends children the message that, “You are low and therefore need encouragement” and in turn negatively affecting self-confidence.

Praise effort, not talent or result.

A recent study of toddlers at Stanford showed that "praising effort, not talent, leads to greater motivation and more positive attitudes to challenges."

When praise is associated with the labor and performance of the child, it supports individual independence, that is, the formation of self-identity, and minimizes the social comparison and labeling of children.

Provide process praise.

"You must have really worked on this!" In order to be able to praise the process, we need to have a complete command of it.

For example, if the child is trying to paint a picture, you don't need to comment on each color he chooses. When your child shows you the picture, you should wait until the end, and then say, 'I see you choose to put purple next to the brown - that's very interesting! ”Asking such questions, according to Haimovitz, encourages the child to ask the same questions and wonder, and it will awakens a sense of discovery.

Change your perception with proper praise.

"Wow - you seemed to really enjoy this project!" With constructive praise, you can increase the child's interest in any activity and provide motivation. Your child focuses on their own reasons for participating in a study before anyone else does. You can help him establish his reasons.

Excessive praise and self-esteem relationship

"Your drawing is the most beautiful picture I have ever seen!". Children with low self-esteem react badly to over-praise. Dr. According to Corpus and Good, this is because such praise sets an impossible standard and children quickly lose motivation to this impossibility.

Pay attention to the quality of your praise.

In today's competitive world, children use exaggerated praise that does not reflect their true ability. According to Stanford Study researcher Prof.Carol S. Zweck, "Expressions of praise such as 'You are wonderful, you are wonderful' do more harm than helping children. A child who is faced with a failure may think that he is not great when he does not do the job perfectly.

The sense of self-worth is based on children's real achievements. Instead of saying "Wow! What a wonderful artist! You are so talented! You are the best painter I have ever seen." "What a creative picture! Compliments like “You must have really worked hard on this” would be more fitting (appropriate).

Most parents do this innocently to make their children feel good. While it may seem innocent, excessive praise can have negative consequences. 

These results;

1. Don't think you're the only one

Children think they are special when over praised. But being 'special' is not the good kind of being 'special'. This perception can make them vulnerable to life and push them to think everything will be easy. Children who do not have the skills to meet their ambitions may have consequences such as disappointment or narcissism, as they will want to give less and get more.

2. Feelings of inadequacy

Praising our children too much makes them feel insecure about their true abilities. When they feel insecure, they stop wanting to try. They may retreat because they are afraid of failure.

3. Altruistic parenting

Parents often make sacrifices in hopes of giving their children the best. Sometimes this is done in an extreme way, and causing the parent's life just starts to revolve solely around the child. Being involved in everything from housework and praising him can do more harm than good to the children we want to help. As a result of this, children may turn into adults who avoid taking responsibility afterwards.

4. Loss of interest in activities

When we are too involved in the activities that our child participates in, or when we praise their achievements unduly, and get involved in the process at every stage; Undue attention and praise (for example, cheering at their games, or watching from the course window until the end of the dance every day) will make the child feel embarrassed and angry. When he feels pressure for his performance, he will lose interest in a favorite activity and end the activity completely.

So how should we praise?

Discover what your kids like to do and offer realistic and appropriate incentives. Avoid tags while doing this.

As parents, we should take notes without noticing the activities that enlighten our children and increase their self-esteem. We must precisely guide them to find something they love and do well, then offer them opportunities to participate in the activity and develop their skills.

We should make praise as much as the effort and value it shows for a job, and support healthy personality development.

Most importantly, if we want our children to be happy, we must give them a chance to feel good rather than just praise them. We can create opportunities for them to be self-sufficient, generous and compassionate. This not only gives them self-esteem, but also allows them to spread these values to those around them.